DownEastDee

Confession……………….yesterday marked the 4th day that the evil binge bitch had showed herself…………hopefully she is gone…………I feel like a big fat stuffed pig and am so disappointed in myself that I let her find her way into my life again…………..Saturday started off good…………but I had planned a cheat meal for supper that night………..went to visit DD in University town and we went to IHOP………..it was good………….too good………ate just about everything on my plate……..felt a little nausea that night but was fine the next morning…………felt guilty about what I had eaten the nite before so I took DD’s dog for a 2 mile walk…………..not a fun walk……..bad dog………..LOL………got back with dog and decided to go for another walk (without dog), so I walked another mile or so………felt pretty good……………LUNCH……..OMG………..Firehouse Subs

Smokehouse Beef Medium

Calories = 840 (Merciful Heavens)
Fat Calories = 410
Total Fat (g) = 46 (CRAP)
Trans Fat (g) = 0
Saturated Fat (g) =15
Cholesterol (mg) = 110
Sodium (mg) = 1820
Carbohydrates (g) = 63
Dietary Fiber (g) = 3
Total Sugars (g) = 16
Protein (g) = 41
Vitamin A %DV = 6
Vitamin C %DV = 6
Calcium %DV = 8
Iron %DV = 25

This Smokehouse Beef sub was wonderful…………..and I knew while I was eating it that I was gonna regret it………I did and still do……….since Sunday my diet has consisted of Ravioli, Rice Krispies cereal (1/4 box) w/whole milk, Oreo cookies, Kraft Singles cheese, Spaghetti, Garlic Bread, Chips, and many, many other fatty, processed foods………………..the end result…………..4 lb gain…………4 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!………….4lbs in 4 days……………OMG!……………….nobody to blame but myself………………..and through all of this binging I was a total and complete BIOTCH!……..I did well not taking it out on the family……..kept my mouth shut and just mentally yelled at myself………………..yelled at myself throughout these 4 days everytime I ate what I knew I shouldn’t be eating but it didn’t work……….just kept right on bending my elbow.

About the only thing positive I can say about this binge event is that I did continue to exercise………..there’s no telling what my gain would have been if I didn’t do my walks and fitness class…………….OH MY!……….possibly would have doubled.

Today is a new day and I have started back on track…………..I must keep the evil binge bitch at bay!…………..She is my nemesis and will continue to try to sneak back and destroy my progress…………and split my personality…………..Through this ordeal (yes, it was an ordeal) I felt like I had a split personality…………my normal self was gone and in stepped this person I didn’t recognize……………before I started on this journey (Sept 8, 2008) I had a tendency to binge but my God, not for 4 straight days…………and not consumed with so much self-hate…………..I believe that the self-hate came about because I felt that I had failed by not keeping the EBB (Evil Binge Bitch) at bay…………but I am human………..I make mistakes…………..and these past 4 days are now behind me…………..I will try harder to control my eating when my emotions are in turmoil………………..I will remember the TOPS Pledge:

I am an intelligent person.

I will Take Off Pounds Sensibly.

FYI—–I can not find IHOP’s Nutritional Information on their site…………aren’t they suppose to have it posted for the public?

Weekly Goals:

1. Take vitamin supplements everday!

2. Do Not Step on Scale until next Saturday! (This excludes required TOPS weigh-in on Tuesday)

Saturday, Nov 8: Took Vitamins
Sunday, Nov 9: Took Vitamins
Monday, Nov 10: Took Vitamins
Tuesday, Nov 11: Took Vitamins
Wednesday, Nov 12: Took Vitamins

Scale update: Have failed this goal already……..DAMN SCALE!…………..why can’t I get a handle on this addiction?………Gonna start new today and see if I can stay away from it!

but for a very different reason…………….LMAO!

Yesterday, the temp here was about 53 degrees, blowing the world away and cold rain ALL day. Being I didn’t get my morning walk in, I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from getting my evening walk in………so I bundle myself up in a sweatshirt, long johns, scarf, raincoat, and MP3 player and off I go into the crappy weather!

Keep in mind that I live in a town where everybody knows everybody and most are related……….LOL!………I saw several familiar vehicles go past me but one in particular came up behind me……….passed me…………went further up the road…………..turned around……….approached me………….slowed down on approach……………and shook his head while going by……………..LMAO…………….I know this person……….I know what this person was thinking as he shook his head……………”Has she completely lost her freakin’ mind?”……………….LOL

Not only can I turn heads, I can get them to turn around and come back for a SECOND look!…………..LMAO!…………..top that, sister!

Love ya lots!!!!

The following are instructions on how to organize your subscribed threads into folders.

Click on USER CP, this is located on every page in the forum. On the left hand side of page click on Edit Folders. Here is where you can add or delete folders. My folders are:

Fitness Survivor
Old Phoenix Threads
Starting Over Thread
Subscriptions

I put all threads related to Fitness Survivor Month in the Fitness Survivor Folder……..right now there are 5 threads in there pertaining to this challenge.

I am a member of the group The Phoenix………all related threads to this group, I keep in the Subscriptions Folder……..why didn’t I make a folder for this group named The Phoenix……….because when you click on MY SUBSCRIBED THREADS you go automatically to the Subscription Folder……its the default folder……….Now whether or not you can delete the Subscripton folder I don’t know……..haven’t tried that……but I like it this way because the threads that I read the most pop up first.

Once you create some folders you can go to View All Subscribed Threads and mark which ones you want to move into folders.

Okay, now I want to view a different folder……..I click on JUMP TO FOLDER and it shows all the folders that I have created…….then I just choose which folder I want to open.

Hope this explains how to organize your Subscribed Threads.

Yesterday, I woke up in kind of a pissy mood……..I had the attitude that I really wasn’t accomplishing much…….when in fact I am………13 lbs down is an accomplishment and one that I am proud of………..I don’t know what brought on the pissy mood or attitude………still haven’t figured it out…….maybe some weird dream that I can’t remember bothered me……but anyway………I did do my morning walk……..the dog expects it……..LOL!

I wasn’t any better by midmorning, wasn’t hungry so I skipped breakfast…….BIG MISTAKE PEOPLE!!!……..Lunch had me eating a piece of pizza………….dumb! but good……..realizing that I needed a pick me up, I decided to look in my closet to see if any of the smaller clothes hidden in the back would fit me……….guess what?……….they didn’t……….they were all TOO BIG!!!………………YEAH……………..I took every single piece of my clothing out of the closet and started trying stuff on……nothing………….or rather a few pieces……….I had pieces in there that still had the tags on them cuz when I bought them they were too small or just a little too snug……..they don’t fit anymore………and I don’t care if I never wore it……………then I decided to check out the dressers……….jeans, shorts, t-shirts, pjs, sweaters, sweatshirts…………LOL…….even my bathing suit……….nope……….have to get a new one next year…………….

I ended up with 2 full large (30 gallon) garbage bags of stuff I can’t wear anymore………..in an earlier post I mentioned about not having any shirts to wear……..I have junky shirts……such as worn out t-shirts…….but whats left in the closet now is almost all long sleeve……….its still 75-80 degrees here……..so will have to stick with my old  worn out holey t-shirts til I can come up with a way to replenish my stock.

I did keep a sweatshirt that is now 2 sizes too big for me but there is no way I am I givin up my Duke sweatshirt………..it can hang to my knees and I’ll still wear it……….anyway………..right now in the closet there hangs just 18 articles of clothing…..most of which are late fall/winter wear……………..dresser contains 3 pairs of jeans………..of which only 1 are comfortable……….the other 2 are almost too big…………….all my khaki shorts are gone……….no warm sweaters left……..and a handful of junky tees……..OH…….my girdle type underwear……..LOL………tossin’ em’! ……………Im having to make due with what bras I have left for now anyways.

Gettin’ rid of all this stuff but have no clue where or how I am going to get new stuff……………I do see a solution and that is to keep losin’ until I can wear my DD clothes……..but then again I don’t think she would be very impressed!!!…..LMAO!………just kiddin’ about that, think I may look sickly wearing 3’s and 5’s………but hey we can dream!

THE FOLLOWING IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO DISRESPECT THE OLDER GENERATIONS………….I LOVE YOU ALL!!

Talk about MOTIVATION!!!!!…………cleaning out the clothes did the trick…………so I decided to keep the motivation going and joined TOPS (Take off Pounds Sensibly) later that evening………..went to my first weigh-in/meeting later that evening ………..It was hilarous……the woman to whom I spoke to on the phone told me that this group was an older group of ladies but they were an inspiring and caring group……….I walk in and there sit/stand 10 ladies between the ages of 60-99………LMAO………They were sooooo excited to have a new member and one so young too……….really LMAO!!!!…………they say I will be bringing NEW life to their chapter………LOL!

They probably figure that I won’t be coming back just because of the age differences…….but I am going to surprise them………I’m stickin with the older chickies………LOL…………I have to drive about 45 miles but thats something Im used to anyway…………..I figure eventually if I stay with the program 6 months to a year that maybe I can start a chapter in my area……….the older chickies also suggested to keep that in mind for the future.

Well………that’s about the gist of my day yesterday………due to schedule I was not able to get in my crunches or pushups……..doing double today…….and ate supper at 8 PM…….I normally don’t eat past 6 PM. My spirits are higher today and looking forward to my weigh-in Sat w/my Phoenix sisters……..if I can access computer………..going out of town this weekend………..this will be a big challenge for me…………..high school buddy is have an oyster roast……….gonna have trouble getting my exercise in but I need to keep in mind that I have been walking every single day since Sept 8th so maybe taking a break for one weekend isn’t such a bad thing……..I’m just afraid that 1-2 days of not walking will make me not want to get back on track next Monday…………….but then again………..the dogs will remind me!

Take care all!

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.”

~Rocky Balboa/Sylvester Stallone~

The last 2 sentences grabbed my attention when I watched the Rocky Balboa movie yesterday…………It made me think about all the hits that I have taken since I started this journey and actually throughout my whole life and how many more that will come…….obstacles and temptations that I know will surface…….they will hit hard and at times unrelenting…… some will probably hit so hard that I want to give up but I will keep moving forward…….I will not give up……giving up means going backwards………I don’t want to go backwards…..whats back there?………….nothing is back there except turmoil and heartache………..everything I dream about is forward……….many steps forward……..but worth it!

So bring it on!!!……….I can take it………I will take those hits and get back up and move forward!

Just thought about song lyrics by Smashmouth, “I get knocked down, but I get up again, ain’t never gonna keep me down”.

I replied to a blog last night that asked what were the 5 things you were looking forward to doing once you reached your weight goal……..these are my 5 things………I am posting them in my blog to remind myself.  

1) Wear a bikini or at least a hot looking one-piece.

2) Jump on my neighbor’s trampoline and do a front flip just to prove that I still can.

3) Play softball again!

4) Get a new family portrait!

5) Tell the A**hole who called me a “Fat Ass Bitch” several years ago that NOW I am just a BITCH!

YEAH!!!!!!……..but now what am I going to do?………………….all of my shirts that felt comfortable to wear a couple of weeks ago are now sooooo uncomfortable…………the armpit area of them seem to have stretched……….but I know I have shrunk………….hehehehe……..also…….you all know how expensive a good bra is…………….had to adjust mine to the smaller hooks yesterday……………..now I have to figure out how to squirrell away some money for a couple of shirts and some bras……..not going to invest too much into them as I don’t plan on keeping them long.

 The jeans I have on today feel oh so good…….they were somewhat snug just last week………now I can pull material away from the outer thigh area……….they feel so good on me today it makes me wonder how I got my fat ass in them 9 pounds ago………………LOL!

Everybody have a great day!!

Note *** I have updated my ticker to show my new start date which was Sept 8!

 Here are entries from my WC!

2008-09-26    152.00 
2008-09-23    153.30 
2008-09-22    153.50 
2008-09-21    153.10 
2008-09-19    153.20 
2008-09-18    154.30 
2008-09-17    155.00 
2008-09-16    155.60 
2008-09-15    157.30 
2008-09-14    155.60 
2008-09-13    156.20 
2008-09-11    156.60
2008-09-08    159.90

As I read Juliette’s blog today titled “Letting go; the hardest thing to do”, I was overcome with this enormous sense of loss………..soon my youngest child will graduate from high school and be off to begin her new journey in life.

I think back to last month when school started back and remember the mixed emotions I had as I watched her drive off…………how proud I am of the choices and decisions she has made and yet how worried and frightened I am for her when next August she leaves this home to make her own way in life. I had dreaded that first day of her Senior year. The first day of school leads to the last day of school, therein leading to the first day of college and my first day of not having any more babes at home.

I remember vividly August 2006, it was a chilly and windy day, similar to today. My youngest daughter and I were traveling to a nearby town where her softball team was having a car wash to raise money. The day before that my oldest daughter had just left to start her first year of college. My youngest had a CD playing but I wasn’t really listening to it but I did hear a few lines of it and told her to play it back. Well, she did and by the time the song ended, I was a basketcase with tears streamin’ down my face, snot coming out of my nose, hardly able to see the road……..my youngest was becoming alarmed because my emotions were so strong, I think I frightened her. As the song ended, we approached our destination but I couldn’t get out of the car until I got a grip. Before my youngest got out of the car, I told her that that song was never to be played in the car again, I couldn’t risk getting into a wreck!!!

I laugh about it now but that song still gets to me, I can’t hear it without becoming teary-eyed. I’m sure I will resort to listening to it the day my youngest leaves the nest.

The song is Carrie Underwood’s “Don’t forget to remember me”. I’m listening to it now………yes…….with tears!!

My contribution to the world is that I have produced two individuals that I know well make a difference in it.

Well, I have been absent for some time now, but am back and ready to tackle this change of lifestyle again. I started back Sept 8, 2008 with a new start weight of 159.9………..that was 2 weeks ago! I am currently at 153.5! I am walking 4 miles a day………had to kick it up from 2 miles cuz that just didn’t seem to be working.

Walking has saved me……….for a long long time I gave up walking cuz my walking partner moved away……….I knew that I could walk the dog………….wait……..you will not believe what the new puppy just did…………..LMAO………..she bumped up against the other computer and turned it on…………..what a big flop she is……..will talk about her later…………….onward………..walking the dog………oh yes……….well………Daisy………our oldest dog, is 4 years old……….I never trained her to walk on a leash because she was just so excitable and she pulled so hard………then they came out with the gentle leader walking harness…………..oh what a find………at first she did not like it……..but she quickly learned that putting it on meant she got to go for a nice long walk……it took about 4 days for her accept the gentle leader……….now I am using a regular chest harness on her and she doesnt pull me a bit.

Another update………..today I received my new pedometer from Omron……..what a find……..you can upload the data to your computer……..haven’t done that yet as I only got it today.

Further update…………last week I bought a bicycle……….its purple……….my fav color…………haven’t ridden it yet due to weather…….either blowing too hard or sprinkling rain……….yes I bought a helmet…….gotta keep the brain intact.

Oh………new pup……….wow………what a handful……..she is 7 months old and weighs in at 65lb……….all muscle………and apparently knows how to use……..judging by the computer over there loading up………..LOL………her name is Ginger……..will post pics later.

I set a new mini-goal of 145……….I hope to acheive this by Oct 3rd………..My college daughter……….age 20……..will be coming home that weekend…………I have not seen her since the first weekend in August……….she does not know that I have lost some poundage and I can’t wait to see the look on her face…………I was at 160 when she last saw me………………this is going to be sooooo great! She’s gonna say, “Wow, look at you, girl”!!!

Well, that is all for today………..will try to get some pics up in the near future!
Love ya all!